… and you lose some

It’s been a while. I was busy with work, meeting new people, preparing for my internship, just lots of stuff to keep me busy. I might even say I was contempt with life. I’m not going to stretch it to happy. That would be overdoing it.

I met a very nice woman on a conference about a year ago. A fascinating person, unlike anyone I have met before. I instantly grew fond of her and even before the week was over, I knew I liked her more than just a friend. We stayed in touch for a few months, an occasional mail back and forth, but eventually life got the better of us and we didn’t hear from each other anymore. I got another quick mail for Christmas, but that was about it. Life continued, I met several other people, dated some of them, but nothing too fruitful. In the end I looked back on the conference as a nice memory, but my feelings didn’t affect me anymore in day-to-day life.

Then a few weeks back, I get a mail, telling me she is on a holiday in a close-by town and whether I want to come over for a day. I was thrilled, just seeing her name on my smartphone screen threw me back and boom, everything was there again. So far I had only spent time with her together with other people, but it was a great day, we got along very well and I was surprised to learn many new things about her. Normally I feel comfortable using the priors I have about people, simply because often they seem to be fairly accurate, but with her many of my priors were just completely off. A few weeks later I went to visit her for a weekend at her place. We had a great time again! We went for a bicycle tour and did some hiking the next day. I think I even learned to appreciate spending time outdoors a little while doing stuff with her. Even though I got a nice sunburn both the times I saw her. For those who don’t know me, people envy me for my colorful tattoos on my oh-so-pale skin. I’m really not into sun usually.

So I was hooked. Even though I had put her out of my mind, there wasn’t a lot but her to find in there for the past few weeks. I really wanted to see her again before my three month internship, but due to several issues, that wasn’t going to happen. However, our conversations were just casual smalltalk, after it was clear I wouldn’t see her anymore, I decided to simply write her how I feel. I know, not the most elegant solution, but she took it very well. After talking about it though, it was clear that she doesn’t share my feelings. One free ticket to the friendzone.

So I tried, and I lost some. The first day I was totally okay with the situation. I was surprised. I know myself and I didn’t expect me to be so cool with it. I even wondered whether my feelings could be true if I wasn’t at all sad. But now, another two days later, it is really hitting me. I’m leaving for the US in four days, I have lots of stuff to prepare before I can go and I don’t really feel like doing anything. I hope that the excitement of new people, new country, new office will overtake my mind and distract me from the whole situation. We agreed to maybe meet as friends when I get back. I really hope we can make that work since she simply is a very awesome person. But if I learned anything form the past events, my feelings can pop up out of nowhere given the right trigger. I guess it will be exciting times.

P.S. If you don’t like posts about my vegan and depressed life and expect scientific stuff instead, feel free to leave. The tutorials are the exception :D

… and you lose some

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