Deutsche Bahn, Magic and Brothels

In before why such a posting break, fuck you!

To give you the global frame in which this story is set: I drove the same route from Düsseldorf to my place, very late at night, twice in the past two days. Due to some construction works on the rails a fifteen minute train drive segment (of the complete one hour fifteen) is boosted to an enjoyable full hour bus drive. That is, if there is a bus.

Day 1, Friday:
The days before were very interesting. I spent a great time in Stockholm on a conference and  met some super nice people. Really refreshing, although also very depressing for other reasons I will not disclose. The way back home was actually really okay apart from the additional time spent traveling. However, for no specific reason whatsoever, I carried four overly ripe bananas and the slowly rotting top part of a pineapple in my backpack, all the way from Stockholm. You might ask why, but… let’s say I had my reasons. Two of the bananas exploded in my backpack and together with the sweet and foul smell of the pineapple, my backpack now smells like an old smoothy. At least the slowly fermenting package of tofu in my bag didn’t explode. I’m actually really surprised nobody gave a shit about this stuff at the security gate, they only cared about the bottle of water that apparently was hidden deep under my fruit salad. Anyway, after planting the pineapple in a pot I fell asleep watching series, a very exciting night!

Day 2, Saturday:
On Saturday I went to the Japan-Day in Düsseldorf, you know, lots of cosplay, people with an astonishing absence of cloths and huge fireworks in the evening. An event I haven’t missed in the past 6 years. In fact I almost missed it this time, since my original flight from Stockholm was planned for Sunday. But hey, I just spent another 150 euros to get back in time! It was fun, although the fact that people thought my new tattoo is from Digimon was pretty depressing. Kids these days are so uneducated! Also I learned that next year I should wear a pedobear costum to disguise my age. After the fireworks there was the usual rush back to the train station. My friend and me even to get a seat in the train, everything went better than expected and my scheduled arrival, including the stupid bus, was around two in the morning. There was a little problem though, Deutsche Bahn only booked the buses until the 21th of May. However, at one in the morning it was the 22nd already, you might see the issue? The train we arrived in apparently was staying in the station until the next morning, so some people started talking to the personal in the train. To be exact they started slamming the windows so hard until someone finally responded. They refused to do anything and claimed they couldn’t give us Taxi coupons since they didn’t have any. About 30 minutes later of talking and waiting, the lady from the train apparently managed to pull someones head from their ass in some high up place at Deutsche Bahn and she got the OK to get us taxis. Then I saw an act of magic! She mad taxi coupons appear. At least I guess this is what is must have been, considering first she had none and then I saw them, right there in front of my eyes! So a while later I was sitting in a taxi with another five people. The taxi driver was a funny guy, he told us about his experience with hookers in several cities and how awesome the brothel in Cologne is. Stuff you learn late at night in a taxi. He also suggested that we drive to the local brothel and party for the night, although he was a little concerned that they might want to pimp out the two girls we had in the taxi if we take them there too. One of which apparently lives directly across the street, what a small world!

Thank you Deutsche Bahn, for even more sleep deprivation than I already had due to getting wasted every night in Stockholm! Now it’s time for “breakfast” at a quarter past five. I really suck at this while healthy living thing.

Deutsche Bahn, Magic and Brothels

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